Speak up among friends

Speaking up to people that you like to spend a lot of time with is difficult - nobody wants to lose good friends.

Hints for speaking up at social events

Social events are great for meeting new people. But they can also be places where negative or racist 'humour' can occur.

Address the speaker. This is pointing out the actual words that were spoken and gives the speaker time to reconsider his/her remark.

"I don't think that's funny ..."

Appeal to host. It may be worth asking the host to reign in offensive jokes or racist statements.
Look out for allies. If you notice anyone else react negatively to the 'joke' or 'comment', i.e. flinching, frowning or saying something, approach them. They may know the speaker better than you and could approach him/her privately.

Hints for speaking up to friends making casual comments

Friends can be your second family and conversations with them are often comfortable. But what happens if they make comments you find offensive?

Approach from the positive side. You are friends for a reason, so don't disengage or put up walls if they make an offensive comment. Explain how the comment offended you, keeping your friendship in mind.
Address the speaker. This is pointing out the actual words that were spoken and gives the speaker time to reconsider his/her remark.

"Joe, I've always thought of you as a fair-minded person, so it shocks me when I hear you speak with such negative generalisations."

Respond with silence. Wait for the speaker to respond with an open-ended questions, i.e. "What's wrong?" and then explain how you interpret the comment he/she made.

"Deb, it sounded like you were classifying a very large group of people in a derogatory way. I was just taken aback. Is that what I heard you say?"

Talk about differences. Try to open a conversation about the differences between you.

"We've been friends for years and I value our friendship very much. One thing that we have never discussed was my experience with racism ..."

ANTaR would like to thank http://www.tolerance.org/ for the ideas and materials they provide on their website, which has helped us compile the resources on this page.